Your Angry Teenage Girl
All teenagers feel angry sometimes, often when there’s a good reason. Uncontrolled anger can be harmful, but one can learn to manage it.
What is Anger?
Anger is one of a range of emotions everyone may experience. Sometimes, though, one can feel angry and not know why. It’s important to be able to deal with anger so things do not escalate unnecessarily.
Anger may be expressed through:
- • Hitting or physically hurting other people
- • Shouting at people
- • Breaking things
- • Losing control
- • Winding people up
- • Spending time with people who get you into trouble
Your daughter may feel a variety of emotions, including anger. Problems at school or at home may make her feel angry. She might feel unhappy after falling out with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend and these emotions come out as anger.
She may feel misunderstood by parents or counselors. She may have even have experienced neglect or abuse.
When triggers occur to bring on anger, the hormone adrenalin spikes. Hearts pump faster, pacing the floors, heavy breathing and she may clench her fists. These are useful early warning signs that she is getting wound up.
Issues with anger can lead to risky behavior, refusing to go to school, isolation, eating problems, depression and self-harm.
If you’re not able to teach your teenager how to be more in touch with her emotions, she will internalize it. Your daughter’s anger must go somewhere and if she cannot strike a balance so that she has control over it, she will internalize it. It causes havoc down the road because it builds up inside and explodes into something that creates chaos (whether at home, school, or elsewhere).
When your daughter internalizes her anger and does not have anyone to talk to or a way of releasing that anger, this is how she becomes a troubled teen. What happens is she is experiencing turmoil “inside her body” and this is affecting her behavior. As time goes on and her emotions go unchecked, then other aspects of her life will become affected and she will act out with erratic behaviors until her issues and emotions are addressed.
The Victim Role
One of the biggest pitfalls teenage girls enter into when dealing with anger is to take on the victim role and re-create situations as if they have been victimized. When your daughter chooses this path, it can send her on a downward spiral because she hasn’t accepted responsibility for her choices and actions. While it’s true that someone else may not have been very nice or a situation may not have turned out as she would have liked, it’s still important not to create a story in her mind she is victimized. The most powerful tool you can teach your daughter is to see everything from a neutral perspective. When girls make themselves out to be victims, they’re really saying that they don’t have control over their lives and that what happens outside of them controls them. As her parent, you need to teach her how to take responsibility for her choices and actions.
Helping your teenage daughter find her balance with anger so that she can use it in a constructive way is a great gift to bestow on her so that she does not have to suffer as much as others do.
If you face conflict with your daughter at home, talk to her calmly rather than jumping in aggressively. Think about what you want to say beforehand and how you want to get your point across. Listen to her point of view and put yours across too.
You can learn to help your daughter cope with her anger and by engaging in less confrontational conflicts. Walk away from a situation to calm down, rather than saying or doing something you might regret later. Take time to consider the situation and give her time to do the same.
If you feel you have exhausted all your tools at home and the need for help outside the home is now necessary, we can help you. Call today to speak with one of our experienced professionals to help you understand the next step.